Archive | October, 2010

Leatherface and other tales from a Saturday night

24 Oct

To get into the Halloween spirit, Pete and I hauled ourselves to Hammond, In. last night for a visit to Reaper’s Realm. It’s a haunted house and it’s pretty effing creepy if you ask me (but then again, I’m scared of everything from homeless people to swingers so don’t take my word for it).

We went there last year on our first date and there are a few recurring themes I’d like to point out:
– For a second year, I grabbed onto the back of Pete’s fleece with superhuman strength. This year, he accused me of trying to strangle him.
– I continue to believe that Reaper’s Realm does not meet current building codes and is not ADA accessible. I will consider bringing my concerns to the attention of management.
–  Also, for a second year, the real horror was the people in line with us. Please do not bring your three-year-old to a haunted house. And all the stereotypes that go along with Indiana white trash were there too, but I can’t go into detail without offending someone so I guess just use your imagination for that one.

Pete got shocked by some electrical equipment. I’m pretty sure that was not a haunted house attraction.

So as we’re walking through the whole house, I was trying to look straight ahead, hide behind Pete as much as possible and tell myself that these guys aren’t allowed to touch you. No matter how much they get in my face or jump out, they cannot touch me. Then we got to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre room. Well, Leatherface touched me. He stuck the chainsaw in the hallway in front of me and would not move. I managed to get one leg around the chainsaw but then he just pointed that thing at my crotch. I yelled “Excuse me!” but I guess Leatherface is hard of hearing because he didn’t budge. Then he touched the chainsaw to my inner thigh (it was then I realized that it wasn’t a REAL chainsaw, thank goodness!), I finally managed to get around him and he started torturing the group behind us.

So that was fun.

Here’s a brief update on the other aspects of my life:

– I finished bootcamp last week. It was terrible but I’m so glad I did it. I feel so much stronger and I completed the post-assessment three minutes faster than pre-assessment! The program is called Bulldog Bootcamp and if you’re not scared to have your butt kicked into shape in the great outdoors three days a week, I definitely recommend this program.

– Now I’m doing fitness dance classes at MaZi Dance Fitness in Wicker Park. I just finished my first week and it’s SO MUCH FUN! It kicks my butt and works out areas of my body I didn’t even know were there.

– I also signed up for my first 5K, the Hot Chocolate 5K/15K. It’s on Nov. 6 so wish me luck!

Ohhhh Creepy Twins

– I’d like to tell you about a book I just finished called Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger. She also wrote the Time Traveler’s Wife. It’s about two twins from Lake Forest who inherit a flat in London from their dead aunt. The ghost of the aunt still lives in the flat and haunts the girls. One of the twins gets annoyed with the other and decides to fake her own death to get away.

That’s where the book lost me. Fake your own death? Oh really, that’s a very smart and logical plan. I wanted to tell her to just get a job at Top Shop or whatever young women do for money in England. When I lived with my sisters and couldn’t stand to be around them, I just told them to get lost. Problem solved.

ALERT!! ALERT!! or, How Pete spent his 28th birthday

12 Oct

“ALERT!! ALERT!! Pete is at Allende yet says he is ‘unable to eat’. We are getting food to go. ALERT!! ALERT!!”

This is a text I sent to Pete’s roommate at 3:14 a.m. Sunday morning while attempting to eat post-bar Mexican food with Pete, a.k.a. Drunky McDrunkerson. You can probably guess what happened after I sent this text (hint: he threw up on himself) and what happened over the next hour or so (hint: he continued to throw up on himself).

There were other stories from the evening that I won’t go into – grabbing his roommate by the scruff of his neck and throwing him out of the bathroom, losing his wallet in a cab, convincing himself that grunting was an acceptable form of speech, but it was mostly just Puke Fest 2010 and not worth sharing the details.

And our romantic birthday plans for Sunday? All canceled because Drunky said “the chefs would be upset if they saw us eating their food when we look hungover”. Alright…

But I’m not mad – it was his birthday and if there’s any night to get that drunk, it should be on your birthday. Plus, when Pete puts his t-shirt on his head I simply cannot resist him.

He also sent these flowers to my workplace on Friday. I think they really brighten up the north wall of my cubicle.

P.S. The REAL birthday party isn’t until Friday. I’ll keep you updated.

Worst girlfriend ever.

9 Oct

Jan from the Office: Also a terrible girlfriend

This weekend marks two occasions worth celebrating:

1. Pete’s birthday! It’s on Sunday and we’re going out tonight and then again next weekend.

2. Our relationship hits the one year mark! This is also happening on Sunday (we met at his birthday party last year).

Over the past few weeks, I’ve arranged several events in honor of both of these occasions. I made reservations at Joe’s Stone Crab for Sunday night (for the birthday) and I’ve also purchased us a night of French cooking at some local French place (for the anniversary).

As for a birthday gift, all Pete wanted was this video game, NBA 2K11. While I was planning on buying this for him, I tried to throw him off the scent by telling him that I got him something else. “It’s really expensive and I already bought it!” I told him. This strategy resulted in exaggerated foot stomping and pouting as we walked around Golf Mill mall last week (we saw the Social Network, it was really good). So I had to back peddle and confess that it was my plan to indeed buy him the NBA 2K11.

Everything was fine until Thursday when Pete called and said, “Guess what?? Chris bought me NBA 2K11 for my birthday and he’s bringing it over on Friday and we’re going to play for six hours straight and then maybe get some lunch and it’s GOING TO BE AWESOME.”

It was at that moment I decided that Chris is a bastard.

Pete said I didn’t have to worry about giving him a gift. But “Just in case…” he followed that message up with a long wish list of items he’s secretly been pining for – all gifts that will take time, research and lots of money to acquire. So I really don’t know what to do (I know you’re probably thinking that I should buy him a basket of male skin care products — already did that for Christmas last year!!).

AND IT GETS WORSE.

Pete recently revealed that he plans to take me to North Pond for Sunday brunch to celebrate our anniversary. I kind of figured that would be the extent of our anniversary plans. I was wrong.

Yesterday at work, Pete sent me flowers. Like the most beautiful flowers in the world. Peach colored roses. All the ladies ooohed and awwwed and it was really really sweet. And the panic starting setting in.

AND IT GETS WORSE.

Sometimes when Pete and I about to go to sleep, he’ll read me this blog that we both really like, called Kissing Suzy Kolber. As I was drifting off to the sound of his voice last night, I vaguely remember him saying something about another gift, and would I like it now or tomorrow.

I must’ve answered tomorrow because this morning, he presented me with a second gift – a subscription to Netflix which is AWESOME and something I’ve been talking about since my sisters got the free trial earlier this year. And there’s a third present coming too – I don’t know what it is but I’ll be getting it tomorrow, according to Pete.

I still have no birthday gift for Pete. Nothing to surprise him with. No flowers. No candy. No card. And worst of all, not even an idea.

Even my mom got Pete a birthday gift. And a card. I AM THE WORST GIRLFRIEND IN THE HISTORY OF GIRLFRIENDS.