“And this is my sister Igor.”

17 Sep

I did something really stupid over the weekend. Because I had done some day drinking for the Iowa-Iowa State game, I stayed in on Saturday night and decided to finish my Paris scrapbook. I went to Paris in 2003, so a scrapbook is long overdue, needless to say. I hovered over that darn scrapbook for about four hours – but I finished it!

Well, all that hovering hurt my back. Pretty bad. By the time Tuesday rolled around, I couldn’t even walk straight. I was at work thinking about what to do – if I should go home early or try to push through the day. Then I remembered my sister Caroline and the answer became clear.

My family drove to Niagara Falls a few weeks ago for my cousin’s wedding. We had a ton of fun on the trip, but it was a lot of driving. Caroline was curled up, leaning against the window during the Ohio to Canada leg of the trip and totally messed her back up.

I didn’t realize how bad it was until we were resting in the hotel room later that day.

I was reading my email when Caroline came out of the bathroom, walking in this weird side-step hobble, completely hunched over, swinging her arms unnaturally with every step in an attempt to gain momentum. I honestly can’t even fully describe it.

But it wasn’t just her posture that had changed – it was her whole personality.

“You clogged the toilet,” she said to me in a satanic, raspy voice.

“No I didn’t,” I said. “You just have to hold down the flusher for a second.”

Even though I was looking up at her, expecting a response, she never made eye contact – she just stared over my head for a second before scrunching just half of her face in this totally bizarre scowl like she was completely disgusted with me. Then she hobbled off, arms swinging even more wildly than before.

She didn’t even go back into the bathroom to flush the toilet, she just left.

So, sitting at my desk at work, I decided that there was a risk I might turn into Igor at any moment, and I needed to go home. I absolutely COULD NOT go into a meeting swinging my arms around and dragging my leg behind me. And I left two hours early.


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